


Irresistible

by Rosesnfeathers



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Lyric Wheel, M/M, Summer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 11:36:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7975417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosesnfeathers/pseuds/Rosesnfeathers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Friends with benefits who got to take separate ways at the end of summer and realize what they are might be a bit more than just friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Irresistible

**Author's Note:**

> Second fic for the second round of the 1D Lyric Wheel.  
> This time I got Irresistible and I got a bit more down the angsty road. But there is happy ending, of course!

 

Zayn had run away from the party. Ran away from the huge bonfire pouring light upon the sand, making it shine almost like the stars in the sky above them. Or like diamonds at their feet. 

 

Zayn loves the beach for that reason, mostly, but the water yeah, not so much. But he loves being away from the city and being able to see the stars. He loves just lying in the sand and enjoy the song of crickets and waves rushing to the shore, under those thousands little bright points scattering the dark blue sky. 

 

He can still hear the music from where he is, the sound of voices and laughter and the fire cracking and making its own beat to harmonize with whatever is playing in the speakers. 

 

He needed a bit of time by himself. He always needs little moments away from people, it helps him, sometimes, to put some order in his thoughts. His mind keeps running and running with ideas, memories, song lyrics, poems. Sometimes he needs a bit of solitude to slow it down. 

 

He might look at peace for most people but his creative mind is never stopping.

 

He is avoiding Liam tonight mostly. Avoiding the inevitable, that he needs to tell him at some point that in two weeks he is leaving for New York. That he got that internship he wanted and that he’s going to spend a whole year in the big apple, working with artists he had always admired. 

 

Liam and him. It’s sex mostly. It’s casual. It’s a text late at night or leaving a boring party together. It’s rushed kisses in dark corners and quick handjobs in the bathroom. It’s the empowering need to drop on his knees and wrap his lips around Liam’s hard prick because he knows Liam wants it just as much. It’s easy, simple, effective.

 

It’s the best freaking sex Zayn ever had.

 

It’s the addicting feeling of Liam’s calloused hand on the most sensitive part of his body, his plump lips always tasting sweet because he always hides some candies in his pocket. 

 

It’s brown eyes, just as beautiful when they are darkened by need and when they are crinkled with amusement. Because sometimes, Zayn has to tell the most terrible joke just to hear Liam’s laugh. It’s like coffee in the morning, or a tall glass of water when you’re thirsty. It’s soothing and sometimes it’s the only thing Zayn needs.

 

The best sound ever, though, it’s when Liam laughs when they are having sex. It’s a bit smoky, a bit darker and deeper than usual. It’s like the bittersweet taste of dark chocolate melting on his tongue.

 

But Zayn is leaving. For a whole year. And he knows Liam probably won’t care. Because they are just friends with benefits. 

 

Well no, some parts of Zayn’s brain are lying to him.

 

Zayn knows Liam is going to miss him because they were friends before this whole sex thing started between them. They  _ are _ still friends. They are going to text (hopefully) and maybe skype (please!) and when Zayn will come back next year, he knows Liam is going to be happy to see him but...

 

But Zayn is the stupid one who went and fell in love with Liam. Zayn is the one hurting now, because he has to leave it all behind.

 

So he is mostly avoiding Liam not because he is scared of Liam’s reaction. Zayn is avoiding him because his heart is breaking in pieces just thinking about the fact that he is about to leave Liam for a whole year. 

 

And telling him, it’s like making it all more real, too real. And Zayn is completely freaking out. 

 

Leaving Liam makes him realize how much he loves him. How much that ache in the middle of his chest since he opened that letter, it’s not because he is nervous, it’s because his heart kind of breaks at the thought of leaving Liam. 

 

Because for Zayn, it’s a breakup, it’s more than only saying to his fuck buddy “Bye dude, thanks for the sex but I gotta go!” 

 

Leaving him means ripping his heart from his chest and giving it to Liam because he knows that’s how he is going to feel in two weeks, anyway.

 

Like he left his heart behind.

 

“There you are.”

 

That voice. Always so smooth and soft when it speaks to him. There is always a smile in Liam’s voice when he speaks his name, when they talk about the silliest things. No matter how many times before Zayn heard his name spoken to him, it always sounds brand new and different when it’s Liam saying it. It’s like his new favorite word just by the way it curves on Liam’s tongue. 

 

“Harry and Niall are finally making out. But they were also completely ignoring me, Zayn. And you weren’t there!”

 

He lets himself fall in the sand next to Zayn but he keeps his eyes above him, looking at the stars blanketing them. There is a pout stretching his wonderful lips, like he is trying to convince Zayn that he is really mad at him. 

 

And Zayn, he almost feels bad because there is something dangerously effective about Liam Payne’s puppy eyes.

 

“You are happy for them, stop pouting.”

 

Liam turns to him then, his hair is falling softly on his forehead still a bit messy and curly from the salty water of the sea. There is a big comfy sweater stretching beautifully on his broad chest and Zayn knows how soft it is. He fell asleep more than once on Liam while he was wearing it. 

 

It makes him look soft and inviting. Like the perfect shelter for Zayn’s darkest nights.

 

He smiles up at Zayn, the stars reflecting in his eyes like he is some kind of Disney prince,“I am. They both deserve the happiness being together brings them.”

 

Such a big heart Liam. Made of gold probably. The brightest and toughest kind. Perhaps that’s the reason he always shines so bright.

 

Maybe that’s why Zayn is so sure Liam won’t miss him that much. Because he has such a strong heart. Zayn knows he is going to find happiness. He is not worried for Liam even if he can hear his own heart crack at the thought of his boy with someone else.

 

“Seeing them snogging each other’s face off, though,” Liam says, his voice a bit lower than it was a few seconds before, his hand reaching for Zayn’s thigh, “made me wanna kiss you too.”

 

Zayn can’t let himself kiss Liam before actually telling him what makes his heart so heavy tonight. He looks at Liam’s hand on his thigh, at the dark ink covering it. His own fingers tracing the lines covering his skin almost absentmindedly. He can’t look up and meet Liam’s eyes so he tries to breathe and find the right words.

 

“Babe? What’s wrong?”

 

“We can’t do this anymore, Liam.”

 

If he knew what Liam’s face would look like before he said those words, probably would have never said them. His smile fell so fast and his eyes instantly filled with worry and pain and Zayn wants to punch himself for it.

 

“Is there someone else?”

 

How can he believe there is someone else? How can Liam truly believe Zayn wants to be with anyone else than him?

 

“No Liam, there isn’t anyone else. I. I just got an internship for next year.”

 

“Okay… That’s amazing Zayn but, why do we have to-”

 

“It’s in New York, Liam.”

 

Liam goes still next to him, playing with the hem of his sweater with shaky fingers. Zayn can see him taking deep breath like he is trying to calm down. His cheeks looks a bit darker, even in the dim light of the stars. What Zayn can’t ignore, is the fact that Liam’s eyes are shining with tears.

 

“Liam I-”

 

The other boy then suddenly stands up, turning his back to Zayn, “It’s okay Zayn. It’s a great opportunity. I’m really happy for you.” 

 

He speaks those words while shaking the sand off his clothes, his eyes never meeting Zayn’s. His voice is a bit wobbly and unsteady, filled with emotion and if Zayn thought his heart was hurting before, it’s nothing compared to the ache he is feeling now.  

 

When Liam tries to walk away Zayn stands up too, so quick he almost falls face first in the sand, “Liam wait!” but Liam turns to face him as soon as Zayn’s fingers wraps around his wrist. His face is so hard and cold Zayn almost forgets how to breathe.

 

“Don’t try to make me stay, Zayn. Or… Or ask if I’m okay. I don’t know. I don’t have the answer just… Let me go. I can’t right now okay? Good luck in New York.”

 

With that, he shakes himself free of Zayn’s hold and walks back to the party. It’s like he is walking right in the fire, his body taking shades of orange and gold. Zayn sees him reach where Niall and Harry are sitting with Louis and Danielle. When Louis ask something to him, Liam just shakes his head, before waving everyone goodbye. Zayn can see the frown on Harry’s face and how his eyes are searching the crowd. Probably looking for him.

 

It’s the last time Zayn sees Liam before he leaves for the states. 

  
  


***

 

The place where he lives is beautiful, like the kind you only see in magazines. He loves his work, never been happier in a job before. The other interns are great and he makes real good friends. He loves the atmosphere of New York, the nightlife, the art galleries everywhere. 

 

He loves to take long walks in central park and to sit under a tree to sketch a few strangers walking by. 

 

He loves how much inspiration he has since he is there.

 

But every artist will tell you that, the greatest source of inspiration is either love or heartache. 

 

You can write and paint and sing the prettiest things when your heart is light with the feeling of love. But when all you can feel inside of your chest, is emptiness and pain, you can put on a canvas the darkest colors with your paintbrush, you can write words that reaches straight for the heart and makes it ache like it’s been squeezed by fingers of steel. 

 

You can create some stuff to hopefully fill the cracks of your heart.

 

Zayn’s art has never been darker since he landed in New York. But Zayn also has never had more praises about it than what he gets right now. 

 

He can’t tell them that is heart is in pieces. That he can find peace only when his paint brush is moving in shapes and with colors reminding him of Liam. 

 

He keeps telling himself, through months and months of his life in the big city,  _ “ _ Should I see someone else?”

 

But everyone is bland and boring compared to Liam’s brightness and warmth.

 

They texted a few times, since he left. When he called him for Liam’s birthday, he actually answered and they spoke for almost an hour. It was a tiny bit awkward but it was okay because Zayn got to hear Liam’s voice. 

 

Zayn stalked him on every social media. He saw him flirt with girls on there. Always scared of seeing pictures of him with one of them at some point. Or maybe even a pretty boy at his arm. Zayn always felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest (again) whenever he was reading a few comments Liam left on one of his friend’s picture, telling her how beautiful she was. 

 

He wanted to unfollow him everywhere. To just forget him and move on. 

 

But Zayn likes the pain (oh what an amazing pun that is) so and he just can’t. Something is still holding him back to Liam. Something he can’t find it himself to break.

 

Harry, one day, in one of their numerous skype session, told him a few words to try and make him feel better. Zayn keeps repeating them, over and over again. And he hopes that one day, the ache in his bone will stop whenever he thinks of them ;

 

“Heartache doesn’t last forever.”

 

He wants to believe it. He wants to paint those words in bold letters on the wall of his room. He wants to believe it more than anything in the world. But it’s been eight months now and it hurts, oh fuck how it hurts just to think about him. 

 

It hurts when it’s past midnight in the states and he sees that Liam just updated his facebook status to some Drake lyrics, probably up at dawn for his daily run. It hurts when he sees a beautiful black and white shot of him on Harry’s Instagram. It looks like they are in a pub or something and Liam is laughing and it’s dark and blurry but it’s still enough to shake something inside of Zayn.

 

Soon enough the year has gone by. Because time still goes on even when you feel like your heart isn’t beating anymore. Soon enough Zayn is packing all his stuff and there is his ticket back home on the kitchen counter waiting for him. 

 

Soon enough he sends a desperate text in the middle of the night saying “ _I miss you._ ”

 

And surprisingly enough, he gets an “ _I miss you too_ ” in reply. 

  
  


***

  
  


After a week back home, spending time with his own family, filling his belly with his mum’s delicious food. After  a dinner with Niall and Harry, a brunch with Louis. He can’t really avoid the inevitable anymore. 

 

All three boys told him he should call Liam, told him that maybe, there is something he needs to ask the other boy. 

 

But is he ready? Will he ever be ready to face him again?

 

He thinks he might get a bit of alone time by wandering on the beach late at night, after everyone else in the house went to bed. He thinks he might be able to sit in the sand and look at the stars like he did a year ago and find some answers.

 

What he finds instead, is Liam, sitting in their spot, playing nervously with his phone.

 

He looks up at Zayn instantly, like he felt his presence and his smile looks relieved and pained at the same time. 

 

Zayn knows the feeling. 

 

They stand like that for a while, under the moonlight, the breeze of the ocean going through their hair and through their clothes. Zayn is shivering but he can’t move, looking at Liam and just taking him it, trying to print somewhere in his brain every little detail he might have forget while they were apart.

 

But he just looks the same, maybe not shining as bright as before though. There is something missing in his smile, in his eyes. 

 

“You’re back.”

 

“I am.”

 

“Would you sit with me, please?”

 

Zayn does, keeping a safe distance between them but Liam just shuffle closer until their knees and elbows are bumping. He reaches for Zayn’s hand, looking at him like he is asking for permission and Zayn gives it to him by grabbing Liam’s hand and intertwining their fingers.

 

He’s been home for days now but this, the feel of Liam’s palm against his own, it finally feels like he is back for good, like he belongs here.

 

“I am sorry,” Liam says, his eyes on their joined hand instead of meeting Zayn’s.

 

“For what?”

 

“For getting angry at you last year. For letting you go without a proper goodbye... For lying to you.”

 

Zayn frowns at Liam, he doesn’t understand when the other boy lied to him. They haven’t spoke to each other in months. “I should have told you. That for me, you are so much more than a friend. That I couldn’t see myself with anyone else. Even when you were on the other side of the fucking Atlantic ocean. I was waiting for you, missing you, every single day. I should have told you I wanted this to be serious between us. I was going to last year, the night of the bonfire but, you told me you were leaving.”

 

“Liam.”

 

“So I thought oh well, he doesn’t like me back, it’s not really surprising I mean… I’m pretty boring right? But then, I spoke to Harry and he told me you were sad because of us and that I should talk to you and it’s been months that I tried to get the courage to call you or message you but, I needed to see your face. I needed to tell you this in person. I… I think I love you? And it’s okay if you don’t but, I just… I had to tell you I guess, be finally honest with you.”

 

“Liam. The last year was completely horrible. I’ve been miserable without you because I am in love with you too. Just telling you I was leaving was so painful and then you got angry and left...”

 

“I know. I’m sorry, but I was hurt.”

 

“Yeah. I understand, now. Both of us were.”

 

“You mean that, though you… You really love me back?” Liam asks, biting nervously at his bottom lip and Zayn has to kiss him really soon or he might die. He wants to know if he still remembers the taste of them, the wonderful, magical feel of Liam’s lips on his own.

 

“I was in one of the biggest cities in the world, Liam, and I swear I’ve never seen anyone else. You were all I could think about. It's in your lips and in your kiss,” Zayn says, finally pressing a light kiss over Liam’s soft mouth. (Yup. Still the same.)

 

“It's in your touch and your fingertips,” squeezing Liam’s fingers and lifting their joined hands to his lips so he can kiss Liam’s knuckles too. 

 

“It's in all the things that make you who you are, babe. For me you’re just so fucking irresistible, Liam. It’s you, only you.”

 

This time, their night on the beach ends way better than the year before. Broken hearts are finally fixed, with kisses and eager hands, with words, and so many I love you’s, like they are trying to make it for all those months and years they had to keep it a secret.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr at curlymohawkliam


End file.
